Shelly Steig
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Making Sport
There’s no stiff upper lip in these unconventional British competitions.

By Shelly Steig

With a horse harness draped around his neck, a young man distorts his face, twisting his jaw sideways and drawing his bottom lip over his top lip. He’s “gurnin’ through a braffin’” at one of Britain’s most curious contests—the Gurning World Championships held in Egremont, Cumbria, each third Saturday in September.

The saying, “Don’t make that face or it will stick,” certainly applies to some contestants who’ve gone so far as to have their teeth removed—all in hopes they’ll make the most gruesome expression during their face-off. Not as many spectators will cheer on gurnersas those who attend the Olympics, which London hosts from July 27 through Aug. 12, but the face-making competition is certainly a lot more comical. 

Anybody’s who’s ever watched BBC’s comedies Fawlty Towers or Absolutely Fabulous knows the English have a keen sense of sarcasm and an appreciation of the absurd. They are prone to both understatement and wild exaggeration, exhibit a dry wit and use curious turns of phrases. The normally buttoned-down Brits also let loose in unexpected ways—especially when it comes to other unusual competitions, which are staged all across England throughout the year. Some of the events reflect a region, others are true sporting shows with a touch of whimsy thrown in, and some have histories that go back centuries. These Olympic alternatives allow visitors to see rural England and momentarily feel like part of the community. 

Over the Hill, Sometimes Quite Literally 
Haxey Hood holds the distinction of being the oldest surviving tradition in England. The 700-year-old race in Haxey, North Lincolnshire, takes place on the 12th day of Christmas—Jan. 5, 2013. The games reenact a 14th-century chase after a grand lady’s hood, which blew away while she was horseback riding. 

The modern race features players in extravagant costumes dressed as a lord, a fool and 11boggins. First, everyone participates in a pub crawl, singing traditional songs. This is followed by the fool leading a procession during which he is allowed to kiss any woman along the way. After making a speech and being “smoked” by a fire lit in damp straw behind him, the fool proclaims, “Hoose agen hoose, (‘house against house’), toon agen toon (‘town against town’), if a man meets a man knock ’im doon (‘him down’), but doan’t ‘ot ‘im (‘don’t hurt him’)”—and the mayhem begins. 

A 2-foot leather hood is tossed then teams push or “sway” crowds toward participating pubs. The game is won when a landlord on the stoop of the designated pub touches the hood. He then serves a round of drinks, pours beer over the hood and hangs it in the bar until New Year’s Day.

Making Sport(Continued)

The 500-year-old Olney Pancake Race is run in Olney, Buckinghamshire, on Shrove (Fat) Tuesday, the day before Lent begins. Women dressed in skirts, aprons and head covers sprint with a frying pan filled with a pancake, which must be flipped while crossing the finish line.

Thought to be based on a pagan festival celebrating the return of spring, the Cooper’s Hill Cheese-Rolling and Wake in Brockworth, Gloucestershire, is at least 200 years old. Participants chase an 8-pound round of Double Gloucester cheese down a hill with a 1:2 gradient. This cheese is served with rolls—but not the bread variety— as contestants tumble head over heels.

Leaning Towards Hyperbole
Brits are known for amusing word usages such as collywobbles (“stomach ache”) andantwacky (“old fashioned”). They also use the word “world” fairly loosely. Many of Britain’s competitions claim to be world championships, but in reality are the only ones of their kind. 

Take, for example, the World Gravy Wrestling Championships. This yearly charity event is held in late August at the Rose N Bowl pub in Rossendale, Lancashire. On the night prior to the 2011 competition, planner Andy Holt mixed up 440 gallons of brown Lancashire gravy from a family recipe. Each match lasted two minutes, with the two wrestlers slipping and sliding in the oily sauce (which, by the way, could have used a pinch more salt).

Other “world” events consist of throwing black pudding (blood sausage), racing snail, carrying buckets of coal, toe wrestling and telling whoppers. 

‘Worrying’ the Sheep
England’s picturesque Lake District puts a different twist on sports. At a centuries-old yearly fair in Grasmere, Cumbria, shepherds’ competitive spirits sometimes got the better of them. The social fete finally became the Grasmere Sports and Show 160 years ago—an annual event each August that features several unique competitions. 

Making Sport(Continued)

Cumberland wrestling has an ancient history that may go back to the Vikings or Celts. Wrestlers dress in traditional costumes that consist of long johns, embroidered bloomer-like shorts and decorated shirts. Supposedly the thermals are a throwback to the days when contestants stripped to their skivvies to keep their clothes clean. The event begins with awards for best costumes, then moves through age groups from children to adults. Wrestlers start in a back-hold position, chins on each others’ shoulders and arms locked around their opponent’s body. Judges proclaim a winner if a contestant either breaks the hold or falls to the ground. 

In between wrestling matches, sprinters tackle a steep hill known as a “fell” from the old Norse term fjall or “mountain.” Younger children race first, red-faced and panting in the cold mist. 

Humans aren’t the only ones to tackle the gradient climbs. Ever since the Brits outlawed fox hunting in 2005, dog lovers have been selectively breeding athletic hounds to participate in their own fell races. Before the puppy trials, which preceded the adult dog trials, judges dragged an anise- and paraffin-filled bag over a five-mile route. Trainers positioned their young pups, which strained at leashes and joined in a chorus of yipping and howling, on the starting line. 

At the start, the young hounds raced over fences, up a hill, then back down through a sheep pasture. The faster pups came hurtling down the verdant slope and scattered the frightened sheep, who quickly settled to grazing once again. As the second puppy group came bursting through the pasture gate, the sheep scattered again kicking and bleating loudly.

A woman standing in Wellington boots and an oil-cloth coat leaned to her friend and said in a wry tone, “There’s two sheep really quite aggrieved on that fell.” It’s those up-close glimpses of typical British wit and humor that make attending Britain’s unusual competitions worthwhile. 

Planning Your Trip
For information about Great Britain, go to www.visitengland.com/en/US/. We rode all over the country on BritRail passes, an easy and affordable way to get around. For more information, visit the Web site at www.britrail.com. For help planning your vacation to Great Britain, contact your AAA Travel agent or go to AAA.com/travel. 

SHELLY STEIG is a freelance writer from Parker, Colo.
Published: Mar 30, 2012

Odd Olympic Facts

By Shelly Steig


• During the transformation of East London for the 2012 Olympics, wildlife experts relocated fish by stun-gunning them. Also, specialists at a “soil hospital” decontaminated more than 497 cubic miles of dirt. 

• Director Guy Richie filmed gritty parts of 2009’s Sherlock Holmes starring Robert Downey Jr., in the region.

• During the building of the Aquatics Centre, four human skeletons from an iron-age settlement were discovered. 

• London hosted two previous Olympics in 1908 and 1948. The length of the modern-day marathon changed during the 1908 games when organizers extended the race from 24.2 to 26.2 miles so runners would cross the finish line in front of the royal family’s viewing box. 

• Dr. William Penny Brookes staged the Much Wenlock Olympian Games in 1850, in the Shropshire hamlet where he lived. From there, enthusiasts passed the torch to a regional, national then international competition—which eventually became the modern games. Penny Brookes and another prominent Olympic proponent, Baron Pierre de Coubertin, met at the Raven Hotel, which still displays some original photographs. 

• One of the mascots for London 2012 is named Wenlock. Much Wenlock continues to hold its version of the games each July. 
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